Journey to the Center of the Body - Week Fifteen
By Joey De La Cruz
T-30 Sunday, September 8
Conversations with our heart our difficult. Especially when we have to share those conversations with another heart, the one we are in love with. I died last night, part of me did at least. Emotions, tears, sadness, fear, uncertainty, these are the many truths of life, the many companions of love. Today, I am weak, tired, exposed. Raw would be an appropriate term. When the going gets tough the instinct is to run away, it’s a standard survival tool, move toward pleasure, away from pain. Last night, and still this morning, I am making the conscious choice to run toward pain. Why? Because I can’t give up on love. Not yet. There was an up-welling of emotions from my heart, from the center core of my body. Going to heal a mother that isn’t, wasn’t, my own. Feeling immense pain from a healing that I wasn’t able to finish with my mother, that which I helped do in another, it was really hard to go there again. Which reminds me of all the pain, heartbreak and suffering we keep buried deep down within ourselves. I thought it all gone, but no, the wounds that we experience as young people, they stick with us. If we aren’t lucky enough to have a supportive environment to express and work through these emotions and feelings, then they just stay there, within us, lurking under the surface deep within us probably causing all sorts of Illmatic effects. The emotional trauma, heartbreak and suffering that I feel is a direct result of my internal physical energy levels, or lack thereof, and leads me to believe that emotional, mental and spiritual stress/illness, are the causes of many physical illnesses. If emotions, feelings, beliefs, and trauma are left to rot under the surface, they don’t breed lightness, instead making us feel heavy, dampening the energy of our being. I will go on a long walk on the beach later today in the hopes the waves will heal and sooth my lingering wounds, calm my exposed nerves and gently caress me, and bring me back to a state of inner peace, wellness and love.
T-29 Monday, September 9
This appointment couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. Several weeks ago, a friend mentioned that he had just come from a “next level” acupuncture appointment. Esoteric Acupuncture* is what he called it. After some research I discovered that this concept has to do with the awakening and expansion of our spiritual center and the link between vibrational frequencies of the food and drink we ingest in our bodies and the effect those frequencies within the body. This is a quote from the website of the doctor I visited: “We are interested in raising the vibrations of your Heart Center and to connect this center with all your denser frequency fields of consciousness including: your dense physical, etheric, astral and mental fields, plus accessing and activating the buddhic, atmic, monadic and logoic fields of consciousness.”** The journey has taken another twist, this turn leading me into realms I have yet to fully understand, let alone the language describing these fields of consciousness. This will require more study and reflection. What I do know is that there are certain energy fields and pathways through the body and that traditional acupuncture is a method that opens up blockages and can help restore the body to natural equilibrium and wellbeing. This doctor was talking about auras, finding and staying in my center and reading “invisible” auric colors that reflected my mental/emotional state. I think I am more complex and wonderful than I know.
UPDATE: It’s a late night. It’s been a full day. I’ve drank water, rested, and feel tired yet really calm and in my center. In my body. I still feel some fluctuations in my heart space. Some subtle pain, not to say that it’s hurting, but that I feel it. My perception of the world and what is happening in it has shifted. My awareness of what is happening in, around and within my body has again changed. I am even more aware of the energy I am emitting and the energy of others around me. I am going to drink more water a SLEEP. Wonder what I’ll dream about tonight.
T-28 Tuesday, September 10
I had dreams that I was taking a spaceship up into the fourth dimension. Don’t even really know what is up in that dimension, but I know it exists. Today there is smoke in the air. My eyes are burning.
T-27 Wednesday, September 11
Love is real. What, is real love? This is the core of who I am. This is the first time I am experiencing these emotions. I have feigned love in the past, I thought I knew what I was talking about. But it is only now, in the center of my being that I am beginning to discover the truth of love. Love allows us to feel the ultimate pleasure, along with the potential to feel the utmost pain. This is why, in this moment I feel so delicate, my heart feels fragile. It feels like it’s breaking. Like it’s breaking open, preparing for more love to enter. I know in the past that I’ve kept my heart closed. Life is easier that way. Life is hard, the journey is rough and full of darkness, uncertainty, pain and fear. But there is one fear that is coming to the surface that outweighs them all. The fear of not knowing love fully. Completely. This is the biggest leap of faith. Putting my heart in the hands of love knowing full well it could mean pain. I am stepping into the most adventurous journey of my entire life. Let the river of love flow and lead me where it will lead me. I surrender to the current...
UPDATE: I did my first one-hour yoga class today. Even though I am working through the center of the body, feeling all of these emotions, I realized today that working the body is PARAMOUNT to proper mental emotional health and well-being. My cells ache to be alive. I mean, that’s their whole purpose! To move, to grow to be pushed to the limit. So, as I begin to return from the core of my being, back to the surface level, I am going to make a STRONG effort to do some sort of strong physical activity. It is known that working out releases endorphins, which are the body’s natural happy chemical, and in this moment in time and in my life, happiness and love are all that really matter. That, and a sense of purpose. But how can you follow your purpose powerfully if you are not happy and full of self-love first? I feel that once this piece of self-love is taken care of the love of another supports your purpose on a more intimate, complete level. It flows into a reservoir that’s already full...
After action report of this workout: Feel more flexible and fluid. Sweat on the brow is a great feeling. Working the body is great. Just like the cells in my body, I’m either growing or dying on all fronts, I choose growth. Lots of growth.
T-25 Friday, September 13
It’s late. I am reminded tonight how important it is to stand in my power. To honor my center when confronted by the energies of another. The work I am doing, this journey is teaching me that I will be stepping out into a chaotic world very soon. There will be many different influences acting upon me and it is paramount that the core of my being be strong, steady, and rock solid. I am also seeing how important another one can be in the support of my journey. How a teammate can really elevate your game. Tonight, I will sleep well. Tonight, I will be grateful for every bit of my body, for my fingers and my toes. I love where I am in life and am so grateful for what I have and for what I don’t have. This journey has been eye opening. And I know the big cookie is yet to come.
T-23 Sunday, September 15
Almost 20 days remain. Here we are. I just finished doing a solid hip opening stretch routine, there is still some discomfort and stress living in my right hip area which I am working to relax and better understand. The major pain that I was experiencing several weeks ago has not returned, but a dull discomfort, unease has remained. I plan on doing some intentional inner meditating and praying tonight before I got to bed to see if I can get some clarity on why this is here, what lessons it has for me and what I can do to bring myself back to a comfortable state of rest. I know there is so much happening in the world right now and I seem to be picking up on all the stress in the world, since I am connected to the world, with the current agitated state of frequency and overall vibe of the entire planet, it only makes sense that I should be at least somewhat “off.:” But my intention, my goal is to figure out what I need to do in order to remove this from my mind/body and allow myself the space to rest and relax and to feel normal again. I know this is possible, it will just take some more awareness, concentration and focus to really nip this in the bud and gain greater understanding as to how all these systems interplay with each other.
I am still feeling a bit weak in the muscles, I have ‘let myself go’ in a sense there, but also, I have been strengthening the bond I have with my body on a deeper energetic level and understanding all the subtle aspects that will be required to maintain optimal health as I move through 35 and beyond. There may be some nonacceptance to what is happening right now, or maybe unconscious resistance to what might be causing this discomfort. I will go within and investigate. Meditation is the route tonight, and then I will see if I can go within my body in my dreams and manifest some sort of solution. I know the solution is out there, or in there. Miracles happen all the time and this is just part of the journey. Almost to 20 days, crunch time, and yes, maybe it would be beneficial to do a few crunches as well. Start with ten and see what happens. Grateful for the journey, so happy to have my fingers and toes, lots of gratitude. Thank you, body, for all that you do for me, I love you.
T-17 Saturday, September 21
Holy shit. Less than 20 days away from the end of this journey. Well, where do I begin. It’s been a few days; I will have to just catch up with where I am right now. I have just come from a short three miles run, out of necessity I took it as my right hip continues to hold stress and is constantly talking to my body. As opposed to my left hip which is chill and comfortable my right side is continually seeking attention. Be it a stretch or something of the sort. I am working though that issue, talking with it too and I think it will just take daily attention to appease this part of my body. I will continue to work through my mind and spirit to see if I am able to gain any further insight into this issues.
I have experienced further confirmation that telepathic thought projection and communication is a very real thing. I was asleep last night and in the middle of the night as I was sleeping, I began to hear and feel the emotions of my partner, who lives across the hall from me, entering into my head/mind. I literally became aroused from my sleep into a ‘wakeful sleep’, as I felt very strongly that she was about to come over to my place. I also heard a ‘knock’ at an imaginary door in my head which finally did succeed in waking me up from sleep. Upon waking I thought I had heard a very soft knock at my door. I rose up halfway out of bed to listen intently to see if there was indeed a knock. I heard a second knock. I got up immediately and opened the door to see my love, my partner there at the door. She had had a terrible horrible dream and was really frightened and came over.
After calming her down and talking in bed she mentioned that she tried to text me, but that my phone was off, and she sensed that I didn’t get the message. During this time, she contemplated coming over. In her state of heightened mental and emotional energy, due to this terrible dream she was broadcasting very powerfully feelings in my direction. Her thought process was, ‘go over there and just knock on his door’. During that thought process, waves of her intentional energy went off into the world and I actually was able to tap and tune into those emotions, intentions (vibration and frequency) and in my state of sleep, I was aware enough that there was some energy coming directly to me/about me in the form of thoughts of my lover in a highly charged state rehearsing coming over to my place and knocking on my door, which she played out in her head. This imaginary rehearsal, or visualization, we often do when we are about to take on some sort of powerful action, we rehearse it in our head. What she rehearsed in her head I was able to pick up from the ether and my activated my ‘spidy senses’ allowing me to know that she was coming to knock on my door. I literally translated her mental emotional vibrational intentions and intelligently reacted to them in my sleep. Thus, when the second ‘real world’ knock occurred I was already alert and able to open the door for her at ‘first knock’.
This has really taken me by surprise, but also I’m not really surprised. I am fully aware this is possible, but now that it is happening, I find it difficult to believe. It is only our beliefs that needs to be adjusted. For I know full well, this is happening, only we are not sensitive to feel it in the degree that I felt it last night. Also, today is the Autumnal equinox, a powerful time of the year and possibly a chosen date for this message and understanding. It’s all connected. We are all one, this is all one big flawless jumble of information that is floating around in a conscious void of awareness. So, what does that all mean? Well, more study is required, but the short and skinny of it is, we are beginning to communicate telepathically to one another. Mental projections are communicated instantly through the vacuum of reality and into our conscious awareness. We are both tuned into this, have been working towards a better understanding of these workings through meditation, mindfulness, body, breath work and it’s all beginning to culminate at a very deep level. The plot thickens, the veil is being lifted.
This provides more confirmation that the city & town you live in carry unique energies that support or inhibit certain mental emotional states. Swimming was really nice. Doing laps in the pool at the hotel was a great low impact workout that worked the muscles and also the cardio system in a pleasant way. My body is continually growing and evolving so, I got to grow and evolve with it in a way that takes into account natural changes and go with the flow as opposed to against it.